I found part of my New Years diary from 2002. It struck me as odd that I would find this just as I was contemplating joining Curves in San Andreas as part of my resolution for 2007. I have rethought this part of my resolution because of these journal entries. I thought I’d share it with you. (Keep in mind I was 25 lbs lighter when this was written.)
New Years Resolution 2002
This is my last will and testament. Well, not really. Actually, this is my workout journal but could be considered one in the same. I hope this will keep me motivated to continue torturing my body all in the name of good health (and a smaller dress size.) There were several important dates coming up and I needed to loose weight to feel better. I wouldn’t be caught dead at a class reunion, at parties, or on vacation looking like this.
Joining a gym has always been in the back of my mind. I have belonged to “the society” before….as a young thin person in my 20’s. As the years of sedentary life caught up with me (along with age,) the more I thought about joining again. Joining a gym is the easy part. Going is the hard part. Anyone can join a gym, pay their dues and broadcast to the world that they have a membership to a gym. Big Deal! Those are the people who are continually disappointed by their never changing body shape or weight. But, THEY have a membership to a gym therefore fool themselves into thinking they are healthy or look good in spandex. On the contrary my good people…..a gym membership does not a good body make.
There is no gym fairy that appears, waves a wand over your head and gives you the motivation to move your body in a repetitious motion until you’re drenched in sweat. This is something you must find on your own. Finding this motivation can only be likened to that of finding the lost continent of Atlantis. I plan to find this motivation. I don’t know if I’m going to keep it for long but I’m going to try.
My goals are simple. Get rid of cellulite, body mass, and work my muscles into something shapely yet feminine. I know it can be done. I’ve seen it done. Open any fitness magazine and you’ll find the “Success Stories” of the miserable and overweight. These people found the motivation to reshape their bodies. Everyone’s story is the same; overweight, unhealthy, and miserable looking at their reflection. They eat right, exercise 4-5 times a week for 90+ minutes and keep at it. Keeping at it is the clue. Sure you can cheat once in a while. But, if you walk 5 blocks to Baskin & Robbins for a double hot fudge sundae I guarantee you are defeating the purpose. The real exercise would be to only order a child size fat-free frozen yogurt with no toppings. Let’s see you do that! I’m sure I couldn’t – so I don’t go to places like that. I simply keep a few Hershey’s kisses around and eat them when I need a fix.
There was a time when I was thin and could walk a flight of stairs without stopping halfway for a nap. I could put on tight clothing without looking pregnant. I could ride in a 4x4 without my fat bouncing with every bump. I never needed motivation in the past. I was just naturally thin. In junior high I was a size 3. By high school I weight 115 and wore a size 5. I ran track, took dance, and was a cheerleader. I was constantly moving. After high school I married and on my wedding day I weight in at 103. Being 5’6” that was way too small but I felt very healthy. As a matter of fact I couldn’t gain weight if I tried. And, try I did. I drank protein shakes, ate fast food, and ate all the time. Nothing worked for me. I wasn’t until I reached 28 that things started to grow. I was a size 5 and skipped right over 7 & 9 and went to a misses size 10. This was very disturbing to me although 140 lbs wasn’t obese. I maintained this weight for a couple of years without much effort. I went to the gym 3-4 times a week and barely worked out more than 30 minutes a day. I hiked, backpacked, swam, walked, ran, and took aerobic classes.
Then the bomb hit. I went from 140 to 180 in less than 2 months. I was perplexed as well as my doctors. I was tested for everything. I was poked, prodded and invaded more than once. No one could find a reason, no medical reason as to why this could happen. This was of no comfort to me. There had to be a reason. Thyroid, hormones, diabetes, something to state this wasn’t my fault, that I didn’t cause my bodies demise.
Feb. 10, 2002
We decided to join a gym today. We both had been feeling pudgy and lethargic with no energy level. Most of the time we didn’t even have the energy to turn sideways on the couch to talk to each other. I wasn’t too terribly “in to” signing up today since I was fighting strep throat and could hardly talk. We decided I would be better off starting with a personal trainer and looked forward to my first meeting.
Feb. 20, 2002
I finally feel good enough to work out without coughing or being out of breath. I also wanted to inquire about why my personal trainer hadn’t called me yet. After 15 minutes of trying to find my paperwork the manager said he would have to get a hold of the salesman to see what he had done with me. I wasn’t “into” working out today. I felt out of place and unbalanced. Maybe Nyquil had caused that or maybe it was just the fat. I tried several machines without committing to any of them. I started on the treadmill. I find this torture device to be the worst. I can walk. I walk all the time. And, if I’m going to walk I sure wouldn’t do it inside a building, staying in the same spot, not going anywhere. That lasted about 2 minutes. I looked around for something else cardio to do. I’m supposed to do 20 minutes of cardio but couldn’t do more than 5 minutes without raising my heart rate too high. I went upstairs to the stair climbers, stationary bikes, and the elliptical machines. I find them all ridiculous in that you work really hard not to go anywhere. If I wanted to bike I would do this outside. I finally settled on the elliptical. It had huge pedals that look like snow-shoes and two poles to hold on to. The idea is to start pedaling and moving your arms at the same time. I liked this machine. It was something I could do for more than 2 minutes. I actually made it for 5 minutes without dying. The machine said my target heart rate was 149. Within 2 minutes my heart rate was over 180 and the machine was telling me to slow down. Just how out of shape am I? Looking at the chart I had the stamina of a 72 year old woman. That’s not what I expected at all, maybe 50 years old but not 72. This is going to take longer than I expect. After walking around for 20 minutes looking at everything and everyone, and waiting for Brian to get done on the treadmill, we finally left. I was disappointed in my stamina and the fact I was lost by the personal trainer. I definitely was not motivated to do anything at this point.
Feb. 23, 2002
I still haven’t heard from the personal trainer and called the manager again. He informed me that one trainer was in a car wreck and another one on vacation. They were very far behind but would get me scheduled soon. Vince called back and set my first appointment for March 11th….one month after signing up. I wasn’t exactly happy about that but what am I going to do about it since we already signed the contract and paid for him.
March 3, 2002
Okay, now I’m ready. I feel confident that I need to loose weight, improve my stamina, etc. I can do this! Got to the gym at 7:30 am this morning. I was very awake and ready to go. I was disappointed with how busy the gym was on a Sunday morning. I figured I would be one of 10 people there. Nope, crazy people there just like us. Brain started on the treadmill and I went to the ellipticals. I did almost 10 minutes and figured I was ready for weights downstairs. I found Brian who was up to running and started walking on the treadmill next to him. There was no way I was going to run. Even though I had the girls double bagged with two sports bras they still move considerably when they get up some momentum. Like I said, I really hate the treadmill so I lasted only 2 minutes before boredom set in. I headed to the Nautilus weights. I enjoy this part. I like pushing my body. I just don’t like to sweat a whole lot. I know that I need to sweat to loose weight. I guess I’m going to have to get used to it. It’s just more disgusting now that I have more fat folds to catch it in. I worked out my legs and stomach. It was a nice short 30 minute session. I didn’t have any idea what I was doing and was wishing I had met with the trainer before this.
March 6, 2002
Arrived at the gym without Brian. The parking lot was full. I had to park way out back. I went in and found the place completely crowded. I must have arrived at a good time because there was one elliptical left. I got on and started my first 10 minutes. Within 5 minutes there wee people going from machine to machine looking to see who was the closest to getting done. Since I set mine in 10 minute intervals they camped out in front of me. When I pushed the button for another 10 minutes they were pissed. I didn’t want to have to explain my workout regimen to these people. After being stared at for a few minutes I got off and let them have it. I went to the Nautilus machines and not one was free. I waited a few minutes and then went to the crunch machine. All of them were being used with people waiting. This was RIDICULOUS. Working out in the evening was not a good idea. It would have taken me 2 hours to get 45 minutes worth of exercise. I left after 20 minutes.
March 8, 2002
Decided to try an aerobics class instead of the elliptical. I walked into the room and there were 50 people there. The instructor came in and asked everyone to sit down. She then walked to about the middle of the class and said everyone from this room back will have to come to the next class. You need to get here 15-20 minutes before class starts and form a line outside the door. We only have room for about 35 people. Sorry. Well, that didn’t go well at all. I was one of the last people through the door so one of the first out the door. I was in a fast walk to find a machine before any of the other class rejects staked their claim. I found Brian sitting next to the treadmill and asked him what happened. He said he’s hurt his knees running too much and that he wanted to go home so I went and got the car and picked him up at the door.
March 11, 2002
Meet with my trainer today. Wow – what a workout. He wants 20 minutes of cardio, 25 sit ups, and then to work with the weights. He showed me all kinds of stretches, different ways to do sit ups and then we worked on my upper body. My arms ache more than my stomach. I mentioned that to him and he said “Good, then on our next meeting you can do 45 sit ups.” Then he just smiled. Me and my big mouth! He’s ex-military so he doesn’t like a lot of fancy machines. He believes you can do it all yourself and with a few weights. He’s a nice guy and very motivational. Too bad I can’t have him forever. I need someone to stand next to me and tell me I can do it…push me to do it…then show me more. I’m looking forward to my next session.
March 18, 2002
Today is Brian’s birthday and we celebrated by going to the gym. The trainer pointed me in the direction of the incline bike and said “10 minutes and I’ll be back.” I hate this machine. It hurts my back. I stopped after 3 minutes and went to the elliptical. He found me on this machine and asked what was up. I told him it hurt my back and that I don’t have much cushion on my backside so the seat hits a nerve. He just laughed at me and said “I have no idea what that’s like.” He’s a big black guy with a very robust bottom end. I finished my warm ups – including the 45 sit ups that I hoped he had forgotten, and we worked on my legs. I love to feel my muscles ache. It’s a great feeling. We only paid for the two sessions so this was the end of our time together. I thanked him and felt confident that I could do it on my own now.
March 21, 2002
The gym was crowded. Very very crowded…AGAIN! They really should put a cap on how many people they sell memberships to. This is just ridiculous. When I was with the trainer people moved out of the way for us. Now I was on my own and was back to waiting for everything. I went upstairs and nothing was available, no stair climbers, no ellipticals and no bikes. I sat down next to a lady who said she had been waiting for an elliptical for 20 minutes so she was hoping to get 10 minutes in on one before she had to go pick her daughter up from the babysitter. She was very disappointed. She said that usually things are better around June when it’s warm enough to swim. A lot of members go outdoors and stretch or swim. Great, three more months of the “two hour to get 45 minutes” workout. Well, if she had waited for 20 minutes I couldn’t imagine how long I’d have to wait. I wasn’t about to be one of those people who walked around looking at everyone’s minutes to see who was coming up next. A guy walked in and just started asking how much time people had left. The gal on the machine in front of her (gotta love her) pretty much yelled “You see those two sitting over there? That’s the line for these machines.” Have I mentioned yet how much I really hate this gym? I would get more of a workout just walking in the orchard than driving 35 minutes to the gym to sit here. I wonder if Brian would notice if I just stopped coming. This sucks.
And, that was the last journal entry I had. I know I only went a few more times and had the same problems getting machines or getting into aerobic classes. I started walking 2 miles a day in the orchard and got more exercise than I ever did paying $50 a month to go to a gym that is overcrowded with rude people. I keep this journal so that when January rolls around and I feel the urge to join a gym I can read this and remember why I hated it so much. I don’t think I will ever belong to a gym again.
